More and More Hipocracy in the GOP Ranks!

If you've never visited Pam's Hous Blend blog, you're really missing one of the best LGBT blogs there is. I read it every day and this morning Pam has a fantastic post about ANOTHER GOP politician, who by the way voted against gay marriage and protecting gay jobs, that was caught with his pants down - so to speak.

Check out her post here.

Obama disregards the LGBT community to reach out to Black Voters

Barack Obama's decision to give Donnie McClurkin a public stage only goes to prove that Obama, like so many other candidates, is willing to look the other way when it comes to anti-gay rhetoric if it will help him win the democratic nomination. Donnie McClurkin is a Gospel singer who has publicly stated he believes that being gay is a choice, and that he "once involved with those desires and those thoughts", but believes that he was able to overcome them through prayer.

Once again, the LGBT community is being pushed aside in the political game to pander to ANOTHER religious group in order to get votes. It's like watching an old rerun on TV, only this time it's in color. Instead of the Republicans pandering to the religious right, it's a democrat pandering to churches in the black community. It feels like we're watching someone talking out of both sides of their head. To us, he says that he wants to see change, and to help the LGBT community in their quest to have their relationships recognized through civil partnerships. To them, he puts anti-gay performers on the stage. Then he wants to reassure us that he doesn't agree with McClurkin's views.

It's a tiring, pathetic observation about politics and politicians. Say anything, do anything, promise anything - as long as you can distance yourself from it later if you have to. The one thing that many of us want more than anything right now in any candidate, is someone that we can trust not to lie to us. We've been lied to for almost seven years now, and we're tired of it. Obama isn't fostering a lot of trust with his latest actions. It's just more of the same old game, not change.

John Rich of "Big and Rich" Voices his Opposition to Gay Marriage

In an interview with The Tennessean, John Rich of the country music duo of "Big and Rich" voiced his opposition to gay marriage, and his support for Senator Fred Thompson. He went further to say that if you were going to legalize gay marriage, you would have to also legalize other "unsavory" things. He sites his upbringing, and his preacher, as the basis for his opinions. Later, he retracted his statement and made an apology:

“My earlier comments on same-sex marriage don’t reflect my full views on the broader issues regarding tolerance and the treatment of gays and lesbians in our society. I apologize for that and wish to state clearly my views.

I oppose same-sex marriage because my father and minister brought me up to believe that marriage is an institution for the union of a man and a woman. However, I also believe that intolerance, bigotry and hatred are wrong. People should be judged based on their merits, not on their sexual orientation. We are all children of God and should be valued and respected.”

I find it very comical, that in the same statement that he voices his own intolerance and bigotry, he then states that he thinks intolerance and bigotry are wrong. I'm sorry John, but you can't have it both ways. Either you are TOLERANT and are not a BIGOT, and DO NOT believe that your personal views are more important than someone else's right to protections and the pursuit of happiness in this country or you ARE a Bigot, and You ARE intolerant.

You have the right to believe whatever you want, you just have to realize that forcing your own religiously based views on others who do not share them means you don't get to call yourself tolerant, or deny being a bigot. You think that you deserve rights that should be withheld from us, because you believe that you are somehow better than us. More right. More Christian. More something. From our side of the fence, listening to your words, you sir sound just like a hateful intolerant bigot.

More Genetic Proof

Erik Jorgensen, the Scientific Director at the Brain Institute has been quoted as saying that a recent experiment where a gene in the brain of a female worm was "activated" causing the worm to become attracted to other female worms, may be evidence that sexual orientation is genetically based. Here is a link to the Story


http://www.efluxmedia.com/news_Utah_Scientists_Create_Lesbian_Worms_09987.html

Bull Bash - Gay Bashing

My partner and I went to the CBR Bull Bash in Longview, TX last weekend. The Bull Bash is similar to a rodeo, but with only one event - Bull Riding. For those of us in the LGBT community that live out here in the country, the Rodeo is something almost all of us are familiar with. If you lived here all your life, you would be to. You would have grown up going to FFA meetings and stock shows instead of Friday night football games. My partner went to a high school that was so fall they couldn't field a football team. You better bet they had a rodeo team though, and everyone wanted to be on it.

We had been looking forward to the Bull Bash all year long. My partner in particular is a huge fan of the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) and the CBR (Championship Bull Riders) and never misses a late night chance to see them on TV. We went to the Longview Fairgrounds early to get a good seat, bought our corny dogs, and were excited about having a great night in cool weather watching 45 Bull Riders compete for top honors.

A big part of the show is the barrel man. This is a guy dressed in a clowns outfit for the most part, who entertains the crowd in between rides. On this night, the barrel man was really very funny, and I found myself laughing out loud when he danced around on the dirt floor of the arena. But then he started making comments about a man "staring" at him while he was dancing. He continued to make comments about this fictitious man in the audience who was "staring" at him, and pretty soon I could hear comments from some of the cowboys sitting around me. Comments like "I'd have to gut that S.O.B." and "He needs to hop that fence and kick that fags ass".

The man out in the arena's comments weren't all that offensive, but what they elicited was offensive, and a little frightening. When he made one last mention of his imaginary admirer, I guess the woman sitting next to me could see the disgust on my face because she put her hand on my knee and smiled, then said "Don't worry about that, we're not all that ignorant." I smiled back at her, then turned away quickly when I noticed the scowl on the man sitting next to hers face. Still, I appreciated her comment. Then I realized that for her to make it, we had to be sticking out like sore thumbs as the only to lesbian's stupid enough to think we could go sit in the middle of a bunch of cowboys and be ourselves, safely.

We left before the Bash was over, I still don't know who won. It was a dramatic learning experience for me though, when I realized that accepting even a little bit of bashing even when meant as a joke, leads to other less harmless voices feeling free to spew their hate filled comments. I won't be supporting the CBR by going to any more of their functions, or watching them on TV now. My partner probably will, she's just that much of a fan. She also tends to believe that people don't really mean some of the hurtful things they say. She thinks it's "just talk" and it doesn't mean anything unless it's directed right at you. I guess that means that if I say the ignorant yahoo in clown make up couldn't attract a gay man if his life depended on it, it's okay as long as I say it behind his back and without meaning it in a malicious sense? I mean, I was just joking. Just trying to be entertaining to what I perceived to be my audience. That makes it okay, right?

I don't think so.

There's a fox in the hen house - AGAIN !

Sometimes I find it difficult to even relate to lesbians who live in well populated metropolitan areas. I live in a very rural area of east Texas, where there is NO lesbian or gay public presence to speak of. If you want to go to a pride parade, you can drive 130 miles to Dallas and catch one. If you want to go to a lesbian bar - same drive. There is ONE gay bar only 60 miles away, but it's predominantly for gay men. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that it's there. I love the drag show, and watching the never ending stream of straight cowboys coming in to "see what's going on behind the big red doors" is pretty funny sometimes. Still, there aren't many women there, and the ones that ARE there, are there ALL THE TIME. Know what I mean?

If there was one benefit to being a lesbian in such an out of the way, ultra conservative, right wing place - it's the closeness you develope with other lesbians living in your area. We develope very tight knit, almost family like, groups of friends. We have these incredible gatherings where we all get the chance to share our lives, loves, and happenings with each other. There's a problem with these tight little groups though. I call it the "fox in the hen house" problem. When you're entire lesbian community can fit into one living room, and you're in a committed relstionship, having a couple break up or having a new "single" lesbian enter the mix can be disturbing. It can be especially disturbing if the group consists mainly of coupled lesbians.

I mean, think about it for a minute. If everyone is coupled up, and suddenly you find yourself "single" again. Who the hell do you flirt with? Every lesbian you know is in this room, or around the same camp fire. Each one is your friend, and is holding ANOTHER one of your friends hands. Or worse, you've already dated everyone in the room at least once, maybe twice. It's not like you can run across town to the bar, or the local GLBT outreach center, and hook up with someone new and interesting. If you do make the drive to some metro area and hit the bar, and you do meet someone you're interested in then you're still going to have to drive 130 miles one way every time you want to see them.

What happens if you do hit it off? How do you maintain a relationship where you have to drive 260 miles just to see a movie? Who moves? Who quits their job and relocates? the "friends" around that campfire start looking real good to you. And you start looking a LOT like a fox to anyone in the group who has any insecurities about the hand their holding! What's really bad about the entire situation, is that you may have absolutely no intention whatsoever of homing in on one of your friends partner. But you don't have to. Now that once a week phone call that you make to someone just to say "Hi" becomes suspect. Believe me, I know it's true because I am guilty of pointing my finger and raising the alarm about a fox being in the hen house myself.

My partner and I have been together for 5 years. Five GREAT years I might add. We've built a home together, and have had only one real argument in all this time. Still, when one of our friends who just happens to be extrememly attractive, was suddenly single again, I lost my perspective completely. She and my partner were very good friends, and called each other frequently. It never bothered me when the "fox" was dating someone. But all of sudden, through no fault of her own, I was feeling threatened. Then I made the biggest mistake of all. I shared my fears with another person in our little group of lesbians. I was looking for someone to tell me how much my partner loved me, and that I had nothing to worry about. Well, needless to say that wasn't what I got. What I got instead was a not so subtle reinforcement of my own insecurities. Yep, what I got was "You better be carefull, she's a homewrecker." Which of course she wasn't.

The problem is, this other friend was in the middle of a little insecurity crisis of her own. So my problem hit home with her, and PRESTO! The fox became a vicious animal who would surely ravage my happiness if not stopped. So I then made my next biggest mistake, I told my partner that I thought the fox was after her and that I had it on "good authority" that she was a homewrecker and couldn't be trusted. It made perfect sense to me. I was trying to protect our relationship, our home, the 5 years of building we had done to get where we were. What I forgot was that by accusing her, I was also disrespecting my own partner and our relationship. She told me in no uncertain terms that our friend was NOT hitting on her, and that she resented my even thinking that it would matter if she were. It meant I didn't trust her, and she was very angry at me. She was even MORE angry at the person who had reinforced my fears. Suddenly our little group wasn't so comfortable together anymore.

Small circles of friends can be a wonderful blessing. For lesbians who live in the country, away from any community support, their even more so. They are our life lines, our only source for a feeling of belonging and acceptance. But they are fragile things. You can be "cast out" for creating any friction, and then you are truly alone. You see, the dating pool is more like a little bird bath here. Bottom line is that there is always going to be a "fox in the henhouse". But you better wait until it kills a chicken to shoot it.

What does my bedroom have to do with anything?

I am so tired of listening to the religious right argue that what goes on my bedroom justifies their attacks on my personal freedom and the right to be treated like every other American. What exactly is it about my life that is so scary to them? I mean, do they think that I lay around naked all day long having sex and trying to think of ways to turn little heterosexuals into gays or lesbians? Get real.

I’m a travel nurse. I work away from my home for months at a time. I do this to try and build a life and financial freedom with the person that I love, who happens to be a woman. I work in Emergency departments from California to New York, and have had to trade being at home with my family for making a living that can pull us up into the middle class. My partner is a police officer. She spends her time at work protecting the people that live in our community and risking her life to do it.

Our intimate times consist of conversations on the telephone for the most part, and then two or three times a year we get to spend a few weeks together. Even then, she’s working and I’m either working locally or preparing to leave on assignment again. We pass each other in the hallway between shifts, and when we’re lucky, we may actually catch an hour or two to sit on the couch and watch a movie or even talk face to face. When we do get to actually occupy the bed at the same time, we’re usually too tired to do anything other than sleep.
On the rare occasion when we do manage to have a sexually intimate moment, it’s behind closed doors and not at all like they make it look in heterosexual porn movies, which by the way seem obsessed with lesbian sex. We work hard. We pay taxes. We support our community. We watch out for our neighbors. So when the religious right says that we don’t have the right to have our relationship protected and respected the same as theirs, what does my bedroom have to do with it? If you ask me, they’re the ones who are obsessed with my sex life, not me. Why is that? I mean, honestly, I couldn’t care less what Falwell or Dobson do in their bedrooms. I don’t even want to know. Let’s face it, Jim Baker’s and Jimmy Swaggart’s sexual escapades were way more information than I needed in my busy life.

Mohler's Little Moment of Acceptance

Changing you own opinions about something is at best, difficult. In some cases, where the opinion is a part of a deeply held belief system, it’s more than hard. It can challenge your views of the world, how you see yourself fitting into that world, and even your faith in God. It rarely occurs in one giant leap, where you cast aside beliefs that you’ve grown up with and latch on to an entirely new way of looking at something. Change happens in tiny moments of acceptance. These tiny moments build until you are faced with an obstacle of belief that no longer makes sense and can’t be justified based on what you know to be true. In that instant, you have to make a decision. You move forward, accepting that your views must change in order to include these new facts or beliefs, or you deny them and fall back on your old ideas.

We are beginning to see evidence of change even in the deepest recesses of our opposition. For such a long time, the conservative right has made a stand against science on many issues. They maintain that man emerged on the planet just a few thousand years ago, against all scientific evidence that man has evolved over the ages. They demand that creationism be taught as a SCIENCE in schools, not satisfied that it be discussed as a religious belief. They deny the evidence of the age of the planet and the universe itself, again in order to reconcile their belief that the biblical account of the creation of the heavens and the earth is fact, rather than a religious belief.

But recently, one well known conservative leader took a giant step of acceptance. The Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr., one of the country's pre-eminent evangelical leaders, admitted in an article earlier this month, that scientific research "points to some level of biological causation" for homosexuality. Now when those of us who are gay and lesbians read the full text of this article, it’s wildly offensive. He asserts that he would endorse prenatal hormonal treatment, if such a technology were developed, to reverse homosexuality. However, you can get past the abrasiveness of that statement and look deeper, this article is actually a step forward in conservative thinking. It’s a moment of acceptance in a long road toward change.

Conservative religious groups have long maintained that being gay was a matter of choice, and that homosexuality could be “overcome” with counseling and prayer. Even when every respected psychological, psychiatric, and medical organization stated that not only was sexual identity not a matter of choice, but denial of ones identity was destructive to the person – the religious right ignored the science and found fringe practitioners to back their own views. This acceptance that sexual identity is a biologically predetermined part of every human being is a giant step toward change, although I doubt he sees it that way.

What will their justification be for persecuting us, when even they have to admit that we are exactly as God made us? If I am as God made me, how can what I am be something that God does not love? When they accept that I can’t change the fact that I was born a lesbian, have always been a lesbian (even before I knew exactly what that was), and have no more control over that part of myself than I do the color of my eyes and hair – then maybe they’ll accept the idea that I shouldn’t have to be treated as less of a human being because I accept who I was born to be.

Don’t get me wrong! I hate the comments he makes about treating fetus’ prior to birth in order to make them heterosexual. I hate it the same way I hate hearing people talk about predetermining fetal sex, or trying to genetically enhance a fetus. But, I do acknowledge that even his acceptance that there MIGHT be a biological basis for sexual identity is a step in our direction. No matter how much back stepping he’s trying to do now.

Ann Coulter (Can I use the "B" Word?)

If you ever wanted to know just how deeply divided this country really is when it comes to the rights of gay and lesbian Americans to live their lives without discrimination, just do a google news search with the name “Ann Coulter” in it. You’ll see hundreds of items pop up with view points from both sides of the fence and a few that ride the fence as well. What’s interesting about this issue to me, is that it doesn’t represent a specific “issue” at all, it addresses how gay and lesbians are treated at a more basic level. It isn’t about our right to work (which many of us still don’t have – you can still be fired for being gay in a lot of states). It isn’t about our right to be at our partner’s bedside when they are ill (which many states have no provision for). It isn’t about our right to the same tax breaks that heterosexual couples get (even if they aren’t legally married). It isn’t about our right to anything at all, except respect as human beings.

Look recently at the use of the “N” word by a popular comedian in a club during his stand up routine. You didn’t see anyone defending his use of that word. But wait, the conservative right says that we aren’t allowed to compare the use of degrading terms used to humiliate a black person, and a degrading term used to humiliate a gay person. They say that Ann Coulter calling someone a faggot, can’t be compared to someone being called the N-word. The conservative right works very hard making sure no one publicly notes any similarities between the civil rights of a black person, and the civil rights of a gay person.

The American Daily web site has an article on it’s site by J. Matt Barber today. This article says “By comparison, homosexuality is rooted in disordered, unhealthy and changeable behaviors that have – prior to the onset of social post-modernism – been considered both immoral and repulsive. Being black is rooted in, well, being black.” That’s the kind of reasoning we’re dealing with. He’s basically saying that you shouldn’t discriminate against black people because they can’t help being born black, not because they are no different from him and deserve the same respect and dignity of life as he does without having to be compared to others as a measure of their worth. If you’d like to read the entire article you can find it at http://www.americandaily.com/article/17916. It would be a pretty funny read except for one thing, he’s not joking.

The conservatives are circling the wagons, with excuses that range from “it was only a joke” to “they call themselves faggots all the time.” Let me tell you something right now. I have never called myself or a friend a faggot. Never. Not once. I never would and I won’t put up with you calling me one either.

I hope these ridiculous, right wing, nut jobs just keep talking because no one can point out their bigotry better than they do themselves. It just amuses me at how upset they get when all we do is point it out to them. It’s a shame that using the “B” word to describe Ann Coulter isn’t an insult to her at all (No, not THAT “B” word) – Bigot!

Ann Coulter's "Faggot" Comment

John Edward's may be too nice a guy. When asked about his take on Coulter, Edwards replied: "Don't have one. Don't have anything to say about her." I respect his ability to keep his opinion about her to himself, especially when she called him a "faggot". Of course she did it in a setting where she knew it was acceptable - The Conservative Political Action Conference. Making a gay or lesbian slur in that room is about as risky as using the "N" word at a KKK meeting. Not only did no one inside the room stand up and denounce the statement immediately, but there was laughter throughout the room. If there was ever any doubt in anyone's mind about how far away from a real understanding between the LGBT community and the conservative right, there shouldn't be now. The laughter in the room demonstrates the kind of people that the Conservative Political Action Conference respects enough to have presenting to them, and the kind of people they represent - Hate filled biggots

I on the other hand am not a particularly nice person in the face of comments that are directed at me with that kind of hate, and her use of the term may have been AIMED at Edwards, but it was directed at all of us in the Gay and Lesbian community. I find Ann Couter to be a fine representative of the CPAC, which is about as big an insult as I can think of. Now I want to watch where the CPAC throws their support, there my friends, is where the real story is. Where does all the money and influence that CPAC has to offer go? Which candidate or candidates share their "sense of humor"?

Lessons I'm Learning

I’ve lost three people who were very close to me recently. One was my cousin, who died (young) of pneumonia. One was my friend, who lost his fight with cancer (also young). One was a colleague, who was killed in a car accident yesterday (and yes, he was young). As a Nurse working in the Emergency Department, I have seen death in all its myriad of disguises. I’ve seen tragic deaths, the ones that rip your guts out when you turn to the family in the hallway and tell them that a child is gone. I’ve seen reverent deaths, where someone who has lived a long and fulfilled life and faced the end of their days with a quiet calm that filled me with wonder and respect. I’ve seen death as a welcomed release from human suffering, and I’ve seen death pass itself off as an alternative to an unhappy life.

No matter what differences we all have, there is one thing that we all have in common. Death will come to us all. Having been a witness to it, I’ve learned a few things. Nothing earth shattering, or incredible. Just little things that I hope I can use to make my own days on earth mean a little more, and make my passing hurt a little less to those left behind.

The first thing that I’ve learned is acceptance. I’ve accepted the fact that I truly am a mortal human being who could die at any moment of any day, without notice and without time to “fix” anything I’ve left undone. It’s easy to say you accept death as a part of life, as a part of YOUR life. Truly grasping the undeniable truth of your own mortality is the key to making every day count. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, so what you do today MATTERS.

The second thing that I’ve learned is that no matter when death comes, you’re almost never ready for it. There will be things left unsaid, things left undone. Even if you tell your partner “I love you” every time you leave their presence, you’ll still wish you could tell them one more time when that moment comes and you know you’ll never get the chance to do it. Life is a work in progress, so there will always be things not finished, not completed.

The third thing I’ve learned is that when death comes, how you feel about your life and the way you lived it, weighs on your mind. I’m not talking about religion, or faith, but something more basic and less demanding. How you feel about the way you used your time, the way you shared your life with others, and the way you gave mercy and compassion away weighs on your mind in the end. I’ve seen people of so many different faiths as they face their own, or their loved ones deaths. In that one moment, you can’t tell the difference between a Catholic, a Baptist, a Mormon, and a Jew except for the rituals of passing. The emotions are always the same. At the end of our days we all face death with only what we brought into this world, and what we made of our lives.

I hope I get struck by lightning someday walking down a beach and watching a gorgeous sunrise. I don’t want the opportunity to face death with the dignity I’ve seen others portray. I want to live my life as if it could happen at any moment, any second, and what I do right now, matters. Because, right now, may be all there is.

A Woman in the Whitehouse

Well, she finally did it! Senator Hilary Clinton announced her candidacy for president of the United States. It wasn’t a surprise by any stretch of the imagination, everyone knew she would. The latest poll showing her way ahead of all of the other candidates in Democrats eyes would also indicate that most Democrats wanted her to do just that. She was at 41%, while her nearest competitor (Obama) was in the teens.

I am so looking forward to the debates and the campaign trail this year. I can’t wait to see this strong and capable woman show the world that not only is the United States ready for a woman in the White House, we have one who has more to bring to the table than just being female. Senator Clinton is a savvy politician, and she knows what it takes to win an election. She won’t be easily intimidated and because of previous campaigns and her high profile life, most of us have already had the chance to see what’s in her closet and put it to rest.

There’s no doubt that I’ll vote for whatever candidate that the Democrats put forward for president. I won’t vote for a republican, and I won’t waste my vote on a candidate that has no chance to win. Now more than ever we need our votes to count, and seeing a Democrat in the White House is a major step toward equality for us. I’ll vote for a Democrat in November, but I sure hope that Democrat will be Clinton. I’m ready to have a woman lead this country. Women have been underrepresented in top political positions for far too long, and it’s about time that we stepped out of the wings and onto the stage.

Father Mychal Judge – My most vivid 9/11 memory

On 9/11/01, while I was sitting safely in my home watching CNN and thinking to myself, “how horrible” and “this can’t be happening”, Father Mychal Judge was already on his way to the Twin Towers with a group of firefighters. While others ran away, desperately trying to put as much distance between them and the doomed buildings, Father Judge made his way directly to the towers, where the firefighters he had ministered to, and cared so much for, were fighting their way into the buildings and were already beginning to die.

Almost immediately Father Judge found his way to a fallen firefighter who had been struck by a falling human body from the towers above, and knelt beside him to give the last rights. He then ran into the Lobby of the Tower 1 trying to help direct others out of and away from the building. He would die there moments later as debris from the collapse of Tower 2 would be blown into the Tower 1 lobby.

I still remember seeing the picture on the TV as a group of firefighters carried Father Judge’s body away, and even now that picture represents all of the deaths that occurred that day because it is the one image that I remember with clarity. A fallen American, lovingly carried by other Americans away from the WTC site. It was an image that would be sorrowfully repeated so many times later, as other brave hero’s of the NYFD and other uniformed services would be slowly found, and removed over the next months. Still, when I think of the heartbreak of 9/11, Father Judge being carried away by those he spent his life ministering to in times of need, is the image that I return to.

Father Judge’s story is one of triumph over adversity. If you have never taken the time to read about Father Mychal Judge, visit http://www.saintmychal.com/life01.htm . Father Judge was a gay man by orientation, and spent much of his earlier time helping those stricken with AIDS at a time when most people didn’t even want to be near them. He understood the conflicts that gay and lesbian Americans deal with in their personal and professional lives, and yet his sexual orientation didn’t define him, just as it should not be used to define us.

His death certificate lists him as victim #00001 of the World Trade Center attacks.

We have a lot in common, we two!

As a travel nurse, I spend most of my time away from my home and my partner. It's a hard thing to be separated from the person you love, but we decided that reaching our financial goals was worth a little hardship, and that our relationship was solid enough to withstand the separation. We were right, our relationship has stood up to numerous tests over the past two years of being apart, but not without our ups and downs. We've done it, but it hasn't been easy.

I'm lucky enough to travel with another nurse, who lives in the same home town as I do. She's straight, as an arrow, and on the surface we have very little in common. She's very feminine, and has religious convictions that are in opposition to my lifestyle. She's a republican, I'm a democrat. She's a conservative, I'm a liberal. She's my friend, but we have the kind of relationship that allows us to be honest with each other, and still be close despite our differences. Even though the differences between us are staggering at times, we've also developed a deep understanding of the others feelings, and I respect her convictions, even though I disagree with them. She does the same.

The past few months have been difficult for both of us. You see, when you are 1600 miles away from your partner (or your spouse), little disagreements and tiny little fears can escalate into gigantic problems and staggering suspicions. Suddenly the weekend barbecue with friends that the two of you always attended, seems like nothing more than an opportunity for one of the single lesbians in the group to horn in on your partner. The fatigue in your partners voice from working too much, sounds like disinterest, and you start to worry. There's no opportunity to rekindle your intimacy, and so things snowball into something that has a life of its own. You might as well be a world away.

My friend and I discovered that we have more in common than we realized this week. She cried, afraid that her relationship with her husband was at risk. I cried, afraid that the distance between my partner and I was tearing us apart. We shared feelings about how vulnerable we felt, so far away from our loved ones. We laughed at how silly we felt admitting that we both had envisioned sultry seductress' out to take our love away. We were both living through the same situation, and experiencing it in almost the exact same way. I could see that she placed the same value on my relationship with my partner, as she placed on her marriage to her husband. We were two women, comforting each other, and trying to offer the other some sanity as our own minds tried to wander away into ridiculous jealousy.

It worked. She helped me get through my fears, and to realize that my partner had done nothing at all to cause me to feel insecure. I got grounded in reality again, before I put my foot in my mouth and accused my partner of something that I know she didn't, and wouldn't do. My friend says I did the same for her. It seems that by talking sense into the other, we each found some sense of our own. In the end, I discovered that we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. I also discovered that even though my friend is very conservative (I know she voted for Bush, she just won't admit it), and lives pretty far to the right, she is still a reasonable human being who doesn't make blanket judgments and respects my life and my feelings. We found common ground to stand on, my friend and I, and from this vantage point our differences don't seem so huge after all.

Playing the Religious Rights Game

It’s not easy trying to win a war when you’re always on the defensive. The religious right has had us with our backs to the wall for so long, that it seems a natural position to be in. They keep throwing more and more blows, and we take a defensive stance and try to remain standing. I’m tired of it.

What if we played the game just as dirty as they do? They want to use the legislature and the courts to deny us our right to equality, why not use the legislature and the courts to fight right back? How about law suits against churches that amass huge amounts of wealth, and never pay a penny in taxes? Why should they be allowed to go without paying taxes when their funds aren’t used to feed the hungry, or house the homeless, but buy people like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson designer suits, expensive homes, expensive cars, and to feed the campaign funds of other ultra right wing bigots?

We could lobby to introduce legislation to keep “creationism” and “intelligent design” out of the science classroom. Many of us don’t necessarily believe that it shouldn’t be taught, but then again, there are a lot of republicans out there who aren’t against gay marriage but still vote for candidates that are determined to see gays and lesbians have no rights at all.

What if we became just as politically active trying to keep religion “out” of the constitution and separated from government, as they are in their efforts to turn the United States into a theocracy? How do you think they would feel if instead of filing suits to try and achieve equality by bringing ourselves up to their level, we were filing suits to bring them down to where we live? You don’t want us to have protected rights as married couples? Fine, but you don’t get them either. Equal protection under the law doesn’t mean you have to let us get married, but it means that your rights, and mine, have to be the same.

My life long partner can’t collect my social security when I die? Fine, but neither can yours. We can’t pay less in taxes as a couple? Fine, but you don’t get to file jointly with your spouse either. I can’t marry the person of my choosing? Fine, then neither can you.

What if instead of playing on the defensive all the time, we did develop an agenda? What if that agenda was to attack, on every front that we could possibly find, the real enemy that we are facing and that is the extremists in the religious right? They are seeking to turn this country that was founded on religious freedom, into a theocracy that they get to define. If there was ever an “agenda” out there, the religious right has one, and they aren’t even trying to be secretive about it. They want gays and lesbians to be second class citizens. They want their view of how the universe was born taught as science. They want their definition of morality written as law. They want the constitution to reflect their views, and no one else’s. They want all this and more, and they want it now.

I’ve heard it said that it isn’t about whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. I’m not sure I agree with that statement in our case. They’re proving that by playing dirty, lying, manipulating data, and using fear and power to influence politicians and voters they CAN win. Granted, you don’t want to stoop to their level, but then guess what? They win.

It sounds reasonable, until you put the shoe on the other foot!

Jerry Falwell’s website recently had commentary about a lesbian woman who filed suit against a company who provided film/video copying that refused to provide their services to her because the documentary she needed copied was about Gay Pride. His point seems to be that he doesn’t feel one should have to provide services to the gay or lesbian community, if it is offensive to you or goes against your religious beliefs. It sounds like a reasonable argument, until you put the shoe on the other foot.

Take for instance my own case. I am a Registered Nurse, and I work in the emergency department. I personally find alcoholics, drug addicts, religious bigots, and republicans morally objectionable. Should I not have to provide them services when they come into the ER? Can I pick and choose who gets CPR and who doesn’t? How about a Police Officer who happens to be gay or lesbian, are they not responsible for protecting the lives and property of religious bigots who persecute them, as well as the rest of the communities they serve? Should a gay or lesbian firefighter not be required to put out the flames at a church that regularly preaches against their rights to work, marry, and protect their families?

If someone is requesting something illegal, then I believe you have the right to refuse service to them. If you operate a business, and offer your services to the community, then you have to follow anti-discrimination law. You might not like it, believe me, we don’t either some times. It’s not easy to stand over a drunk who’s cursing you and calling you a ‘dyke’, while you’re trying to clean the urine they’ve dribbled all over themselves and help to suture up the gaping lacerations in their heads from the bar fight they were just in, and all the while they’re explaining how YOU are an abomination in God’s eyes. It’s not easy for a gay or lesbian police officers, firefighters, doctor’s, or paramedics who do their jobs every day without asking to be allowed to “pass this one up” because we don’t like the ideology of the person who needs our expertise.

Suck it up Falwell, we do it every day.

Wonderful Post on the Religious Right

This link ( http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5502785 )leads to a post from the NPR site, and it is a fantastic read. It publicizes a new book by Randall Balmer called 'Thy Kingdom Come' and it is on my wish list after having read this article. You can purchase the book at Amazon.com at this link Thy Kingdom Come

The word "Lesbian" doesn't make it porn!

A friend called me the other day, and told me that while she was at work, she could not look up any sites that had the word "Lesbian" in them, because the word is flagged by the company's IT guys as "pornographic". Well, at first I laughed about it, and thought that it's just one more example of a man's views on lesbian sex. Of course it's pornographic to them! How many heterosexual porn flicks are there that DON'T have a lesbian sex scene in them? (Although I have to say that those scenes certainly are not representative of my experience with Lesbian sex in any way).

But then I began to think about it, and I realized how unfair it was. My friend works in a healthcare setting. Is there any reason why "The Lesbian Health Research Center" should not be available to her? How about the Office of Women's Health site which hosts a Lesbian Health Facts page? This is a government site with health information that is important not only for lesbian women, but also professionals who provide care to them! If you do a search on Google with the term Lesbian Health, you get over forty nine THOUSAND sites in a half a second. I bet "Heterosexual" isn't on the little list of porn words.

My friend is a private person, and a consummate professional. She would NEVER look up something inappropriate at work, and it is ridiculous that she can't read anything that is of interest to her, even news articles with the word "Lesbian" in them for fear of jeopardizing her job for looking at "pornography" on the internet. It would almost be funny, if it wasn't so sad.

The Conservative Right: Defining Marriage Right out of Existence

If you let the conservative right republicans define marriage, the only people in the U.S. who will be married in the U.S. will be heterosexual couples, of child bearing age who are fertile and capable of procreation, and who have a legal marriage certificate.

You see, according to Mitt Romney, and the rest of the right hand of the Republican Party, “marriage is primarily about the nurture and development of children”. It’s not about love, or interdependence, or nurturing each other. It’s about having babies in a religiously acceptable setting, and they get to define “acceptable”.

So tell me Mr. Romney, what about the thousands of people in this country who are infertile? What about the folks out there who are beyond child bearing age, but still desire the comfort of human companionship? What about the hundreds of thousands of heterosexual couples out there who are not married, but have been together for decades (and which by the way can file joint income tax returns despite not being married). What about those American’s who simply do not want to have children, are they not allowed into your heterosexual procreators only club?

The discriminatory amendments that are being written into many state constitutions and the one that the Republican Party is trying to have slapped into the U.S. Constitution are meant to only exclude gay and lesbian couples from getting married. But they are poorly written, in part because the authors are trying to write bigotry ridden amendments without sounding like bigots. As a result, all kinds of relationship issues are called into question, not just marriage. The right for a gay or lesbian partner to be at their loved ones bedside during times of illness or to be protected financially when they lose their partner, all of these issues are at risk of being invalidated by these bigoted amendments.

It is time for the religious right, and the Republican Party, to stop hiding behind arguments that they THINK sound less bigoted and more acceptable to main stream America, and say what they mean. In his speech at the Republican State Convention, Romney said, "Some people think we're intolerant and not willing to let people choose their own lifestyle,". If he were being honest, he would have left the “Some people think” off.

Romney is considering a run for the Presidency in 2008. I can’t even imagine replacing the bigot we have in there now, with this bigot.



© Suzanne Magee, All Rights Reserved

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Is it pride? Or a Party?

There are thousands of gay pride celebrations going on this month all across the U.S. as gay and lesbian Americans pay tribute to those who stood up in defiance during the stonewall riots in New York, and gave birth to the gay rights movement. At least that is what some of the celebrants will be doing at gay pride. Truth is a lot of the people that attend gay pride events this time of year, don’t know what the significance of the month is, or why we celebrate it. Many just see it is a chance to foster a sense of belonging and community. Some see it as a great opportunity to party. Some see it as platform for activism.

I guess in a sense, the event itself is a form of activism, regardless of your personal reason for being there. It does give our community an opportunity to be more visible and to remind local governments that we are here, in ever increasing numbers. Local officials understand that, numbers I mean. In a national election, a minority group doesn’t hold the political power that numbers entail. In smaller local elections (City Councils, Mayors, Judges, Sheriffs, etc.), having a minority group strongly behind you, or against you, can make a difference. I can’t imagine a candidate for the Governor’s office in Texas riding in a gay pride parade. But at the Alan Ross Freedom Parade in Dallas (Dallas’ Gay Pride Event), Mayor Laura Miller is a regular and respected participant. Last year, the first openly lesbian sheriff of Dallas was a welcomed participant and was cheered as she passed by. The event itself is without a doubt an opportunity for activism, but that’s not all it is.

Pride events are typically held in larger metropolitan areas, most of which have vibrant and active gay and lesbian communities in them. For the people who live in those areas, pride is a chance to get together and have a great party. But there are thousands of gay and lesbian Americans who live in rural areas where there are NEVER any gay pride parades or celebrations. They live in small towns where there is no “gay” part of town where it’s safe to hold hands, or put your arms around your partner. In a state like Texas, where they can still walk up to you and say “You’re fired, because you’re a lesbian”, the opportunity for activism has a real price attached to it. Living in areas where you have real fears of being the target of hate, or losing your ability to support your family is hard. Getting the opportunity to participate in an event like gay pride, being around thousands of other gay and lesbian Americans, being exposed to the activism that does go on, and getting the chance to breath a little easier while you hold your partners hand is well worth the 2 or 3 hour drive to get to “the city”. So we go, every year. We go to be activists, to party, to be with our community in a setting where we are safe for one day. We sit in parks and listen to music, play with our children, throw Frisbees with our dogs, listen to music, and buy HRC T-shirts and caps with fun slogans. My favorite cap last year said “Yes, I am a Lesbian” on the front, and “No, you can’t watch” on the back.

We don’t go to offend, or to fight, although as we in Dallas walk from the parade route to the park, we are always confronted with protestors carrying signs telling us to burn in hell, or that Jesus hates us. The Police keep the screaming, hateful crowd away from us though, and we just walk past and smile. We don’t have time to listen, or waste any effort trying to talk to them. After all, we just have today. Just this ONE day. Tomorrow, we go back to rural little towns and try to live not in the closet, but under the radar. We need our jobs and we have to live here. It was great to have that ONE day though. One day to party, and participate, and not feel so isolated and oppressed. One day to hold her hand and not be afraid. One day to life up my voice and still have a job. One day to stand with thousands who are just like me, and feel hope that someday, ONE day, we’ll be treated just like everyone else.