My partner and I went to the CBR Bull Bash in Longview, TX last weekend. The Bull Bash is similar to a rodeo, but with only one event - Bull Riding. For those of us in the LGBT community that live out here in the country, the Rodeo is something almost all of us are familiar with. If you lived here all your life, you would be to. You would have grown up going to FFA meetings and stock shows instead of Friday night football games. My partner went to a high school that was so fall they couldn't field a football team. You better bet they had a rodeo team though, and everyone wanted to be on it.
We had been looking forward to the Bull Bash all year long. My partner in particular is a huge fan of the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) and the CBR (Championship Bull Riders) and never misses a late night chance to see them on TV. We went to the Longview Fairgrounds early to get a good seat, bought our corny dogs, and were excited about having a great night in cool weather watching 45 Bull Riders compete for top honors.
A big part of the show is the barrel man. This is a guy dressed in a clowns outfit for the most part, who entertains the crowd in between rides. On this night, the barrel man was really very funny, and I found myself laughing out loud when he danced around on the dirt floor of the arena. But then he started making comments about a man "staring" at him while he was dancing. He continued to make comments about this fictitious man in the audience who was "staring" at him, and pretty soon I could hear comments from some of the cowboys sitting around me. Comments like "I'd have to gut that S.O.B." and "He needs to hop that fence and kick that fags ass".
The man out in the arena's comments weren't all that offensive, but what they elicited was offensive, and a little frightening. When he made one last mention of his imaginary admirer, I guess the woman sitting next to me could see the disgust on my face because she put her hand on my knee and smiled, then said "Don't worry about that, we're not all that ignorant." I smiled back at her, then turned away quickly when I noticed the scowl on the man sitting next to hers face. Still, I appreciated her comment. Then I realized that for her to make it, we had to be sticking out like sore thumbs as the only to lesbian's stupid enough to think we could go sit in the middle of a bunch of cowboys and be ourselves, safely.
We left before the Bash was over, I still don't know who won. It was a dramatic learning experience for me though, when I realized that accepting even a little bit of bashing even when meant as a joke, leads to other less harmless voices feeling free to spew their hate filled comments. I won't be supporting the CBR by going to any more of their functions, or watching them on TV now. My partner probably will, she's just that much of a fan. She also tends to believe that people don't really mean some of the hurtful things they say. She thinks it's "just talk" and it doesn't mean anything unless it's directed right at you. I guess that means that if I say the ignorant yahoo in clown make up couldn't attract a gay man if his life depended on it, it's okay as long as I say it behind his back and without meaning it in a malicious sense? I mean, I was just joking. Just trying to be entertaining to what I perceived to be my audience. That makes it okay, right?
I don't think so.
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